Then and Now

Last week while a dear friend was driving me on my record third trip off Cape Cod since 2004, she mentioned finding this blog and said she couldn't believe its content. She was frankly confused. How was I able to go mushroom hunting, or even sit at my computer to write so much, for that matter? As the photographer who documented changes brought about by my cosmetic surgery for over a decade, she is one of the three people with a realistic idea of my daily existence. I told her to look at the dates on the entries... the original dates on each piece; not the date the entries were posted. Nearly everything I wrote about which involved physical activity (even minimal driving, walking, photography,) actually took place last year, when I was still able to wring the occasional "physically functional" day out of my damaged body through sheer will power.

My friend's voice broke with emotion when she said "I remember all the things you used to love doing. That is what angers me most about the way these doctors destroyed your life and left you to suffer and die in silence." We were in her car during this talk, and as usual, my head was bent down, the only position in which I am able to breathe without use of "external support" (a bamboo back scratcher pressed under my chin and jaw with a constant 2 lbs of upward pressure). The emotion in her voice made me lift my head to look at her and that is when I saw the tears on her cheek.. her face was flushed red and her expression was at once sad and angry. I reminded her that I have been anything but silent these ten years.

She agreed, I had made some waves in warning the public about the dangers of cosmetic surgery and that was something, but it certainly hasn't done me any good. I agreed this is true and reminded her that my outspokenness in this regard is most likely the very reason I have been left to suffer without help from the very surgical specialty responsible for destroying my health.

I have tried as much as possible to separate the aspect of my life I present on this blog from the devastating, life robbing experience brought about by my cosmetic surgery. In a very real sense, what you see here is.. or more accurately, was- a small fraction left in my life that had not been totally destroyed by my plastic surgery disaster, physical injury caused by the negligence, arrogance and duplicity of a medical "specialty" in need of a category all its own... one that subjects normal, healthy people to unnecessary operations.

Today there is nothing left but suffering and disability. In relating what I was still able to do even one year ago, I remind myself that I did actually live life once upon a time... a past reality so remote from my present existence that the experiences of my own life "before" might as well be those of a stranger.