Our final hours together

My loyal companion, Sierra and I are spending our final hours together. Tomorrow my kind, compassionate vet will come to euthanize her. Sierra developed a baseball-size hematoma on her upper back about 2 weeks ago, which did not appear ominous at first. The hematoma seemed to be confined below the skin and above the muscle. Dr. Beth Mosley (the most wonderful vet in the world) drained as much blood out of it as she could, put her on antibiotics and said to keep an eye on it. We returned a week later when the hematoma filled up again. It was aspirated again and blood work done, which revealed anemia and other abnormalities, but nothing very serious... just what you might see in an older dog. But by this time, Sierra's appetite had diminished. She was eating only a tiny bit of food, which is very unusual for her.

To make a long and heartbreaking story short, Sierra stopped eating, she is too weak to walk, the hematoma is larger and spreading and may be invasive internally. She does not appear to be in pain, but I do not want her to have to suffer before she leaves this world. For the second time, I am making the hardest decision I have ever made in my life...to euthanize my loving, loyal companion.. the only being with whom I share my life. There are no words to describe this loss.

We are fortunate to have a vet willing to make a house call for this heart wrenching good-bye, so Sierra will spend her final moments in her own familiar surroundings...

I adopted Sierra nearly five years ago... Now that I am losing her, that time seems all too brief. She rescued me from profound grief when I lost my beloved Keshia, a cocker spaniel who shared the joy of her life with me for over 19 years. Five years ago, on May 7 2004, Dr. Mosley made the same compassionate house call for Keshia. I thought my heart would never recover from that loss, but it did, thanks to Sierra. I adopted Sierra four months after I lost Keshia. She was 10 years old at the time..an older less likely to be adopted than her younger counterparts, which made me want her all the more. It took a few months to win her trust. She won my heart and we have been inseparable since.

My heart is breaking. Please pray for us. These final hours are very precious...the last I will share with this beautiful, gentle soul who has given me so much love and devotion. Dr. Mosley will come tomorrow after 5 PM, unless Sierra indicates she is in pain or suffering today. In that case, Dr. Mosley will come today after 5, but I hope we will have another day together.. while I watch her sleep and remain by her side.. doing whatever I can to assure her she is loved.

Update: May 29 - We postponed Sierra's exit until today. She left this world in the most peaceful, gentle way, while I stroked her with love and reassurance. I have witnessed this gentle passing twice.. and both times made me wonder why we do not provide the option of this peaceful, graceful exit for ourselves. We should all be so blessed to leave this life as gently as we allow our companion animals their final exit.